A letter to my readers
This is a little different from my usual blog posts; I have been receiving emails from readers, and my philosophy is if someone is having an experience then other people are in similar positions. If we can learn from the experiences of others then we have the capability of bringing Light into the situation, our lives, and change into the world. Here is to sharing and growing.
During high school I did a lot of really bad things and I also became close to some really bad people. I have gone through and used kabbalistic tools to try to make the corrections, but I’m still left wondering about one thing: If I am a different person today, do I need to share this information about my past with my husband/other loved ones?
I do not see any reason to, in all honesty, because I am not that person anymore. However, I hear a lot of people talking about how you need to share everything about yourself with your spouse.
What is your take on this?
P.S I want to clarify that I do not have a problem with sharing the fact that I was less than perfect in the past. I was just wondering if I have to share information about those old friends and the individual bad things that I did (like recount specific tales of each time we did something and what it was, etc.)
To My Readers
Firstly, a lot of people did a lot of bad things during high school (including myself), but the first thing you have to do is let yourself off the hook, unless you feel like you are still that same person you were in high school, and are still making the same choices. If you are still that same person and you haven’t evolved or changed, I can understand you still feeling badly about that, but when you know better, you do better. Leave the past where it belongs, which is in the past.
You mention that you became close to really bad people in the past. It sounds like you are still afraid of karmic things you have caused and that you feel as though they have some kind of power over you. You need to ask yourself these questions:
- Are you still vulnerable to the fear of connecting to bad people again?
- Have you gotten to a place where you have learned to trust that you can make good choices for yourself?
If the answer to both of these questions is “No”, then that is the area where your work needs to begin.
You ask, “if I am a different person today do I need to share this information of my past with my husband, or other loved ones?”
The most important thing to know is YOU NEVER HAVE TO DO ANYTHING IN LIFE, there are no “should have’s” or “could have’s”- everything is a choice. If you choose to share with your husband or other people that you love, you need to be clear about why you want to share it with them. Firstly you need to ask yourself “What is my intention in sharing it”? And then ask yourself:
- Do you feel it’s because you’re keeping a dark secret?
- Is it because you feel that you need their approval?
- Is it, perhaps, to feel closer to them and you don’t have closeness with this standing in between you?
You say that you don’t feel the need to share your past because you are no longer “that” person. If that’s the case, then everything that has led up to what you have written so far doesn’t have a point. So I believe you have written this because this is where you want to be. I am sure you have taken those steps, but I think you have some residue – even though you have worked on these issues – there are obviously some things that need clarity.
When you hear people talking about “the necessity of having to share everything with your spouse” remember that you do not have to do anything. The real work that you want to do is to get to that point in the relationships you have with the people that you love, where you CAN share everything WITHOUT JUDGMENT. If you do not feel that you are in that place with the relationships in your life yet, then work on taking the steps to get there. I don’t think that jumping in there with this big, dark secret is the best move when you haven’t done all of this other work to set yourself up for it to be accepted in that way.
Sometimes things are a lot scarier in the dark, and the longer we keep them there, the bigger they grow and the scarier they become. Once you put it out there, it is 50% gone, and only 50% is left to work on. I’ve tested this time and time again. As an exercise, this could be an amazing step for you, just get it out there so you can realize that it is actually not that bad, or if it was, it will really help release it. But you most probably have a bit of work left to do, which is to ask yourself if you are still judging yourself and whether or not you think those people still have a hold over you? And if you have a relationship with your husband and your loved ones where they will be able to accept your secret in an unconditional, non-judgmental way? And if not, then work on those things. I can help you.
There is a quote that I love and think it would benefit you greatly, “Secrets are like vampires – they suck the life out of you, but they can only survive in darkness. Once they are exposed to the light there is a moment of horror of recognition, but then “poof!” they lose their power over you”.
This secret has so much power over you; you are giving so much thought to it, you are giving so much energy to it everyday, which could be used some place else, but you have to release this and get it out. I thank you for sharing this; I think it is a really good place for you to start. I hope this has helped you.