Just because it’s a Judgment DOESN’T mean it’s DOOMSDAY


“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”   ~ Carl Gustav Jung

Kabbalists explain that where I place my consciousness is what stays with me. When I look at another person and see darkness, I awaken that darkness within myself.  If I spend today judging ten people; seeing what’s wrong with their attitude, with the choices they’re making, what they’re doing “wrong”… then I have brought 10 elements of darkness into my own life.

When we understand how potentially damaging a judgment can be to ourselves and the people around us, it makes it easier to resist the temptation to judge.  Judgment only leads to hurt, be it to yourself or others and it will limit your growth.  Judgments separate you from yourself, from your experience, from your loved ones, from your emotions and your ultimate potential as a human being.

Everyone has good and bad – everybody – but we must try to focus on the good.  Finding the good in a person or situation invites that energy into your life.  If, for example, a close friend of yours has made a decision that you don’t agree with, you have two options; you can judge and invite that negativity, or you can choose to say “I know that everybody has good and bad, but I am going to focus on the goodness”.

We all have positive and negative tendencies, and these tendencies awaken depending on our consciousness. Let me put it simply; when we think a positive thought or we focus on something positive, we awaken the positivity within us. And conversely, when we think a negative thought, or about a negative situation, we awaken those negative forces within us.  What makes it challenging is that we get tricked every day into awakening something negative.  In our daily lives we are thrust into situations with difficult people, who provide us with plenty of reasons to judge (these judgments may feel perfectly justified AT THE TIME but they aren’t, no matter how annoying or persistent).

There is another trap we all fall into; very often we say, “Oh I’m a really good judge of character…”, and while that may be true we have to be very careful with that.  For example, we might identify someone as an angry person.  I am recognizing the anger within him, and that anger will continue to grow.  Once you acknowledge that aspect, it is all you will see, and it will continue to perpetuate through various situations and encounters, whereas if you focus on the fact that he is sharing and kind, but has anger issues or struggles with maintaining his temper, but it is not really who he is, you will begin to see the other genuinely positive qualities in him.  Because you are focusing on the positive you have actually chosen to awaken the positivity from within both of you.

Always remember that it is in your best interest to start focusing on the wonderful attributes others possess to create a happier environment, particularly if you live with a person who may have a tendency toward anger or melancholy.

Lastly, just as our thoughts and judgments have energy, so too do our words. Most of us don’t give much consideration to the things we say, we assume that once we’ve said it, it’s over and done with.  Spiritually speaking, this isn’t true.  Comments flowing out of our mouths don’t vanish into thin air, they remain with us.  Thoughts and words have energy, and energy is transformative.  Harsh words can hinder our spiritual growth – when we speak negatively about others, our words stay with us and they actually block our happiness.

How often have you gone to bed fine, happy, had a wonderful day with your friends, and you wake up really, really grumpy and upset, with no rhyme nor reason?

In fact there is a reason and Kabbalah offers an explanation: The energy we created by attacking someone’s character yesterday, adversely affects us today.  Sometimes we don’t even realize we’ve done it, or that we’ve said something to hurt somebody, but we have and we need to start to pay more attention to the profound energy and power of our words, as well as their cause & effect. A great kabbalist once said, “Pay more attention to what comes out of your mouth than what goes in it.”  The purpose of this teaching is not for us to feel guilty!!  I am not advocating that you should chastise yourself, far from it! And there is no sense in judging yourself for it, because all that does is create a perpetual cycle of judgment and unnecessary hurt that will go on and on and on and on.

But I am saying…

1.      Bring your attention to this area of your life.

2.      Shift how many times in a day you may judge, or how many times you may speak badly about somebody.

Simply pay attention to it.

When we judge another person and see something dark and negative within them, we think that we’re doing something outside of ourselves; that the assessments we are making on their character or choices are irrelevant to our own lives, but unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work like that.  Often, what annoys us about others are the very things we need to work on ourselves.

Many of us are our own worst critics (you know it’s true).  We tend to judge ourselves more harshly than others ever would.  We judge and criticize not only our actions, but our thoughts, our feelings, and even our fantasies.  Sometimes when we place a judgment on another it is because there is something that we recognize within ourselves – that person, like a mirror, can reveal something that you were unwilling or perhaps unable to see, but now you can.  Take that recognition and grow from it.  Just remember, when you are caught in a flash of judgment, take a moment and say to yourself:

When I measure and compare everything against the yardstick of my vision and ideals, everything falls short, because this isn’t an ideal world.  It’s a real world with real people, growing, making mistakes, learning, and evolving. Judgments block energy and hold negative patterns in place.  I release all judgments I place on myself and others.  And then remember, “The more one judges, the less one love.” ~ Honore de Balzac.  Love yourself more and judge yourself less.


1.   What area of your personality do you judge harshly?

2.   What aspects do you have a tendency to fixate on when you judge others?

3.   What do you think that is telling you about yourself?

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  1. claudia flores : May 4, 2011 at 9:37 am

    This is so true and so interesting. I have a question, when you notice what is what you don’t like about yourself, how do you change it? How can you love yourself more?

  2. claudia flores : May 4, 2011 at 9:37 am

    This is so true and so interesting. I have a question, when you notice what is what you don’t like about yourself, how do you change it? How can you love yourself more?

    • Dear Claudia, thank you for sharing your question. We can always change from a place of judgement or a place of love. I find change is much more authentic and lasting when we change from a place of love. This means being honest and accountable with ourselves on our shortcomings, but also remembering we have so much beauty within. It means choosing to work on ourselves in order to reveal more of our goodness, not beating ourselves up or punishing ourselves, as this approach often leaves us stagnant and unable to truly change. I hope this helps! Warmly, Monica

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