Lemonade & Toast

The month of Scorpio is nearly here, so buckle in and listen up. As one of the only months of the year lacking in kabbalistic holidays, this month can feel dark and full of too many challenges, but inherent in this month is the energy of turning things around. Whatever feels negative is really an opportunity for something good to happen, either a transformation in your consciousness or a blessing entering your life, like a new job or a new friend.

The Hebrew month of Scorpio is called Mar Cheshvan, the Mar means bitter. Before you go hide under your bed, though, understand that the reverse of Mar is Ram, and Ram means exalted.

So that is the challenge of the month, to turn Mar to Ram, bitter to sweet, lemons into lemonade.

Difficulties arise all the time, not just this month. Kabbalistically, we’re instructed to turn that boat around, to transform chaos, negativity, judgment, frustration, and rage into more elevated emotions, like mercy, empathy, kindness, helpfulness, and love. Practically, here are a few tips to help you mitigate your more extreme reactivity to the challenges of the month.

This too shall pass

My family has been in New York for just over a year now. One of my children is struggling with still being ‘the new kid’ and feelings around not fully belonging. This is the note I wrote:

“There is a great saying, “this too shall pass”. Don’t worry about what your friends feel or don’t feel about you. I know they like you because you are likable. But maybe the Creator just wants you to focus on your studies and being a great student. Know that you are not alone in how you feel, everyone is the new kid at school at some point.”

Nothing lasts forever. Nothing. Emotions pass. Memories fade. If you find yourself in a volatile emotional space, ask yourself, “Will I even remember this in 10 years?” Probably not! If you do think you will remember it, the memories will likely center around how you acted and how you felt about the situation and not the situation itself. Now ask yourself, “In 10 years, how do I want to remember this?”

Surrender

Some things just are what they are. If you have asked your partner to put their dirty clothes directly into the hamper once a day for the past 9 years, it may be time to accept that your reality is one that usually has dirty clothes on the bed. Now you are free to use that energy and time spent thinking about improperly discarded clothing on more important things (such as vacation planning). There are some battles that you CAN win, but at what cost? You could solve the clothes on the bed standoff by getting a divorce. This is referred to as winning the battle but losing the war.

Get perspective

How important is this, really? Most of the time, the things that have our hearts racing and blood boiling are quite inconsequential. (As an aside, all the heart pumping and blood boiling is your sympathetic nervous system kicking in and constricting blood vessels to raise your blood pressure.  As your body prepares itself for “Fight or Flight” it releases adrenaline and cortisol, which increases heart rate, releases fats into the bloodstream, and increases your blood’s clotting ability. This is all well and good when you’re trying to outrun a Saber-Tooth Tiger, but when it becomes a daily occurrence, it’s no mystery why someone who is very anger reactive has high cholesterol or heart disease.)

I know two women, who are otherwise very sane, kind people, who both became unutterably enraged at each other over the proper level of toastiness that a piece of bread should be to give to a teething toddler. There were tears. Recriminations. Even the next day there were attempts to validate the rightness of their assertions as to the appropriate level of toastiness. Obviously, there were underlying issues that fed the toast conflict. When you find yourself getting heated over something ridiculous, take a breath and get some perspective. Simply identifying that you are having a ‘toast’ moment is all it takes to restore levity and calm. Now, if there is an underlying issue, you are free to address it and begin to repair that relationship instead of damaging it further.

Challenges and conflict can be opportunities for growth, but they can also damage us and our relationships with others depending upon how we respond to them. I love the question, “Would you rather be right or happy?” Sitting here, reading a blog, probably in a relaxed state, it’s easy to reply ‘happy’. Happy, of course! Yet, if we’re honest, that answer changes to ‘right’ far too easily at the first sign of trouble. In a conflict resolution session, an antagonist explained his position and then asked me to confirm that he was, indeed, in the right. I explained that if you hurt someone’s feelings and damage your relationship with them, how can you be right?

Every instance this month when you feel your patience worn threadbare and you are ready to snap, try to pull yourself back from the precipice and respond not as you in this moment, but as you in your BEST moment, as your BEST self.

THOUGHT INTO ACTION

Here are your mantras for the month (repeat as needed):

• Within the greatest darkness lies the greatest potential to reveal blessings.
• I do not argue about toast.
• I will surrender the battle but win the war.
• This too shall pass.