QUESTION: I noticed that you talked a lot about vulnerability. How can I show vulnerability in a healthy way?
MONICA: It really does begin with appreciating who you are, what you have to offer, and connecting to your authenticity. Vulnerability is a word a lot of people are uncomfortable with like “everybody can see me, I feel naked, I’m a doormat” but vulnerability really means arriving on your terms, being who you are, and expressing how you feel openly and honestly. If the person on the other end of that isn’t capable of receiving that it’s an indication that you aren’t with the right person. So vulnerability, if you offer it, should be received in a way that is comforting and then reciprocated and if not, again, it’s an indication that that person doesn’t understand you or is incapable of meeting you in that place.
Fear of vulnerability comes from a fear of rejection. I think that when people are vulnerable and they feel rejected as a result of that vulnerability, they try harder and harder and offer more and more. But another important thing to remember about being vulnerable is that just because we offer something, in this case our vulnerable self, and we are rejected, it doesn’t mean that what we’re offering isn’t good it just means that the other person isn’t capable of receiving it. Maybe there is someone else who should be on the other end of that. Just because what you’re offering isn’t received well doesn’t mean that what you’re offering isn’t great it’s just not great for that person.
Come to a place where you value what you’re offering first. Don’t compromise being true or vulnerable or being yourself because that is what will give you the greatest sense of connection and of belonging.