QUESTION: What importance does physical attraction play in relationships?
MONICA: Physical attraction is certainly important but it’s not everything. Eventually, looks do fade and things do change so if physical attraction is the primary emphasis there needs to be a reevaluation of the relationship. It will not sustain a relationship because it cannot be sustained.
When we have physical attraction it’s an indication that we are drawn to someone. From there we can start to learn whether we connect with the other person in larger ways. The larger ways are the things that actually create a foundation for a lasting relationship. Like-mindedness, honesty, spirituality. You have to believe that you have the same reasons of doing, of being, the same big picture goals, the same desires. Yes, physical attraction is important but its only a piece. This isn’t to say that physical attraction should take a backseat. Sometimes people come to me and say “my friend suggested I be with this person I can’t, I find them repulsive.” Of course, that isn’t going to work either. There has to be an attraction but it can’t only be an attraction.