Tu B’Av: The Perfected Self

July 26, 2018
Reading time: 4 minutes
Astrology, Relationships, Spiritual Tools


Twenty-one years ago, I met my soulmate. There was no way of knowing on our wedding day who, where, or what we would be in 3 years, or 5 years, or now at our 20-year anniversary. There were no guarantees of who we would become or whether or not we would last. But we loved each other every day. We dedicated ourselves to our individual growth and supported one another in that growth. This is what soulmate-level partnership looks like. It looks like change. Never static, always evolving. Just like life. Our only choice in this evolution is if we are growing forward or backward.

Kabbalistically, soul mates are two halves of the same soul. Often I am asked how I know that Michael and I are soulmates, and the answer is that Michael and I both share an unshakable certainty that we are, and that together we are living our life purpose. We will never receive an embossed, signed letter from the Creator certifying that we are authentic soulmates and we don’t need one. The most frequent question I am asked is: “How do I know if my wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend is my soulmate?” There are many ways to answer this, but I’d prefer people not dwell on the question and instead think and behave as if they are with their soulmate now, striving to have a purpose-filled relationship.

The purpose of relationships is still even more complex than just this personal growth or growing together as a couple. It is a vehicle with which two people bring great Light to the world. When there is love, understanding, and compassion in a relationship, that love reverberates throughout the world, healing in ways we may never know. Conversely, when there is discord in a relationship, it creates animosity and hatred. Therefore, we have a great responsibility not just to grow as individuals and as a couple, but to realize that the health of our relationship influences the entire world. This is the profound importance of love.

Tomorrow is both my wedding anniversary and Tu B’Av, literally Leo 15th, known as the day of love. Cosmically, this marks the beginning of the sun and moon’s reunion. Scientifically, the sun and moon cross paths every year during this time, almost always as an eclipse – which is why this stretch of summer is known as “eclipse season.”

More than just the movement of astral bodies, the energy we can access during this window in time is that of a greater, more profound connection to the people in our lives. We have the opportunity to connect to the soulmate relationship we are seeking or to elevate and strengthen the partnerships we already have.

I can’t think of a desire more universal than true connection, to see and be seen, to feel understood, and to be wholly accepted—all feelings we associate with the concept of soulmates. Countless books and poems have been written about true love. Some of our favorite songs and most beloved films retell stories of true love. It’s written in the stars and wired right into our hearts. Yet, finding Mr./Ms. Right presents a real challenge for so many of us.

The Zohar, in Lech Lecha verse 348, sheds light on the process of soulmate reunions:

We have learned that a man obtains a mate according to his deeds and ways of his behavior. If he is meritorious and his ways are correct, then he deserves his soul mate, to join her as they were before coming down to this world.

We merit our reunion with our soulmate through dedication to our own spiritual work. Reuniting with our soulmate begins with us—an inconvenient truth for anyone who believes that in order to be happy, they must first find their one true love. However, when this principle is applied and when your spiritual work does become your priority, a life that is beyond what you thought possible will unfold. And a soulmate relationship can be a part of that. It all depends on YOU.

In ancient times on Tu B’Av, the unmarried girls of Jerusalem dressed in borrowed white garments and went out to dance in the vineyards. Rav Brandwein explained the secret meaning behind the borrowed clothes. “You must be perfect in order to draw the perfection of your soulmate to you.” Borrow for yourself the Light of the Creator, that is what is made possible on Tu B’Av; the ability to borrow perfection and thus, attract your soulmate.

Spiritually speaking, everyone achieves perfection at some point but that perfection always exists in the upper realms. While I know that I am not perfected today and that I may be lacking in many areas, I can borrow that perfected self, the “perfected vessel” of who I am going to become. By borrowing or connecting to our perfected vessels, we can draw our soul mate to us.

Which is why on Tu B’Av, no matter what your relationship status is, you can connect with the infinite love of your perfected self. The highest, most fulfilled version of you is unconditionally loving.

On Tu B’Av, open yourself up and ask for your soulmate or ask for your current relationship to be elevated to that state. Then connect with your perfected vessel and recommit to yourself to your spiritual work and your connection with the Creator.



Tu B’Av is the kabbalistic day of love! Do something loving for the people you love.


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